we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
