Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't turn off my feet"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
