I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
