i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
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just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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