She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
