He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
