if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
