my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize