I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Vodka?
Forever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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