i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
