Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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