my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
