She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
