you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want nice things and good sex
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
