i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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