I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
