i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize