Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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