i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I believe in your delicious
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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