Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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