I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
