Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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