I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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