It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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