Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I want her autograph on my taint
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
