You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
