what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
