I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize