I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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