Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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