Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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