Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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