Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
