I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
