she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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