when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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