i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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