Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
