I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
