Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
