I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
