His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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