i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
