Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
