Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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