Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
