we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
