I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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