I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
