Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
