Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
