I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
