so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize