16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
