no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
