I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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