my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
