Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
