I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
