i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
