Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
